It’s Monday! Time for a kid story.
In an attempt to organize my thoughts and my blog (don’t laugh, I can be organized) I am going to tell my kid stories and tales of Mommyness on Mondays. Why? Well the oh-so-helpful alliteration, Mommy Monday, will be easy to remember (though I promise I won’t always declare it to be Mommy Monday). And Mondays have a dull and depressing reputation. Kids stories are fun and uplifting (mostly). So it seems like a good fix.
In that vein, I bring you:
You might be a Mommy if…
…you have ever had to utter a phrase like, “Your sister’s head is not a hammer!” or “Don’t drink the bath water, you just peed in it!”
…you have had the internal debate over which point to make first: that milk is not finger paint or that we don’t finger paint the couch. Hey, at least it WAS milk that time…right?
…you have renamed the food you eat. Broccoli is now dinosaur food. Spaghetti is now pirate pasta. Chili beans are now jumping beans. All in an attempt to get your kids to just EAT already!
…your “gross tolerance” has increased exponentially. What’s a booger when you’ve caught vomit in your bare hands?
…you know it’s not just a cardboard box, it’s a racecar.
…you could discern your child’s diet based on the way his (or her) diaper smells. Oh yeah. I went there. And it’s true.
…you’ve thought out every worst-case-scenario plan. You know exactly what you’d do in the case of a house fire, a home invasion, a natural disaster, or if your car was pushed off a bridge and you landed in the river. But Heaven help you if you run out of milk.
…you can sing the theme song to every show on The Disney Channel and find yourself humming them when the kids aren’t around and the TV’s not on.
…you’ve had to pay expensive plumbing bills to remove stuff your kid has thrown down the toilet.
…your kiss can heal any wound (and you’ve had to kiss everything from the top of their head to the tips of their toes).
…your children’s kisses can heal any of your wounds too. Even the sloppy, slimy, open-mouthed (possibly peanut buttery) kisses you didn’t see coming.
Do you have any “You might be a Mommy if…” stories to add? Most of those apply to daddies as well, I’d love to hear “You might be a Daddy if…” stories (and I bet there are some of those a Mom a would never think of).