Family / Random Musings

You Might Be A Mommy If…

messy kid eating ice cream

It’s Monday! Time for a kid story.

In an attempt to organize my thoughts and my blog (don’t laugh, I can be organized) I am going to tell my kid stories and tales of Mommyness on Mondays. Why? Well the oh-so-helpful alliteration, Mommy Monday, will be easy to remember (though I promise I won’t always declare it to be Mommy Monday). And Mondays have a dull and depressing  reputation. Kids stories are fun and uplifting (mostly). So it seems like a good fix.

In that vein, I bring you:

You might be a Mommy if…

…you have ever had to utter a phrase like, “Your sister’s head is not a hammer!” or “Don’t drink the bath water, you just peed in it!”

…you have had the internal debate over which point to make first: that milk is not finger paint or that we don’t finger paint the couch. Hey, at least it WAS milk that time…right?

…you have renamed the food you eat. Broccoli is now dinosaur food. Spaghetti is now pirate pasta. Chili beans are now jumping beans.  All in an attempt to get your kids to just EAT already!

…your “gross tolerance” has increased exponentially. What’s a booger when you’ve caught vomit in your bare hands?

…you know it’s not just a cardboard box, it’s a racecar.

…you could discern your child’s diet based on the way his (or her) diaper smells. Oh yeah. I went there. And it’s true.

…you’ve thought out every worst-case-scenario plan. You know exactly what you’d do in the case of a house fire, a home invasion, a natural disaster, or if your car was pushed off a bridge and you landed in the river. But Heaven help you if you run out of milk.

…you can sing the theme song to every show on The Disney Channel and find yourself humming them when the kids aren’t around and the TV’s not on.

…you’ve had to pay expensive plumbing bills to remove stuff your kid has thrown down the toilet.

…your kiss can heal any wound (and you’ve had to kiss everything from the top of their head to the tips of their toes).

and…

…your children’s kisses can heal any of your wounds too. Even the sloppy, slimy, open-mouthed (possibly peanut buttery) kisses you didn’t see coming.

Do you have any “You might be a Mommy if…” stories to add? Most of those apply to daddies as well, I’d love to hear “You might be a Daddy if…” stories (and I bet there are some of those a Mom a would never think of).

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23 thoughts on “You Might Be A Mommy If…

  1. I can totally relate on the booger and dinosaur food… but they are NOT one in the same! (Just for clarification!)

  2. I can totally relate to all of those. Also, you might be a mom if your child draws on the wall in the bathroom and after telling them “We NEVER draw on walls, only paper,” you think to yourself, wow her artistic skills are really developing. I can totally tell that’s a person. 😛

    Or, another, if you have ever uttered the words, “we do NOT like the freezer case at Walmart! OR the cart handle. Eww, yuck!” And then imagine all the diseases they could possibly get and the fact that they were JUST at the doctors office 2 weeks before. Yep, that’s my kids. 🙂

  3. You might be a Daddy if… you go into Victoria’s Secret with your wife(wink wink) only to have your two year old announce to the entire store that she farted!!

  4. Pingback: You Might Be a Mommy If… (via Erin Writes) « My Real Life

  5. So funny and true, Erin! I remember those days with little ones especially. One of mine was suddenly realizing that I thought the guy who hosting my sons’ Nickelodeon show looked pretty gooood. So “You Might Be a Mommy If…you realize that you’re slightly attracted to your children’s TV show host.” By the way, he wasn’t really hot; I just didn’t get out much!

  6. This was a great post! I have just about all the same stories, and we call broccoli, trees. My kids love to eat trees with cheese!

    The most recent thing I said was “Get off of your brother’s head!” My son was wrapped up in a blanket and had pulled it over his head. My three-year old daughter sat on his head! I just so happened to be on the phone with one of my husband’s clients, making an appointment for her. Thank God she has three kids also, she understood. Since then (about a month) we have started talking and becoming friends. We are in the works of figuring out a play date. I think it is funny how people can bond and make friends just from one bizarre comment! 🙂

    • Thanks, Catie! It is funny how parenting can be such a bonding experience. Somehow, even though our kids are all unique, we all go through the same experiences. I hope you get your play date set up. Sounds like she’d be a good friend. :).

  7. LOVE this, it’s exactly what I needed to hear today, too. Sometimes I feel like I and am the only one who thinks of things like that. You da bomb, Erin! Great post!

    • Thanks, EllieAnn. Sometimes I wonder if my kids are just weirdos but it’s good to know they’re just kids :). I’m convinced these are the reasons why God invented chocolate–to keep me sane.

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