Several positions available in a home-based working environment. If one of these opportunities interests you, please see submission guidelines below.
1.) Floor Sanitizing Specialist
Applicants must be skilled with a broom and mop. Job duty will be to sweep debris from a ceramic tile floor. Debris is pushed to floor several times a day. Floors must be kept clean enough to eat from (because the mini-residents seem to think that’s what a floor is for). Must agree to do this without the use of harsh chemicals. A magic spell might come in handy. If wizardry is involved, please list references from past clients.
2.) Garbage Transportation Director
We are currently experiencing back up and overflow in our waste disposal department. Seems there is some confusion as to whose job it actually is. Hard worker needed to take garbage from the kitchen to the garage. And from the garage to the curb once a week. Replacing bags in cans a must.
3.) Laundry Manager
Washing, drying, folding and putting away on a daily basis necessary. Occasional ironing may also be needed. This is a full-time position. Applicants must show dedication and stick-to-itiveness as this job is cyclical and never-ending. Must supply own HazMat suit as some items may come soaked in questionable substances from mini-residents who are less than perfectly potty trained.
4.) Explorer /Spelunker
Fancy yourself Christopher Columbus? Or Indiana Jones? Discover the final frontier in this exciting (and possibly dangerous) job opportunity! There is a vortex in my house that eats pacifiers and socks. They are sucked into the hole and never seen again. Your quest will be to find this mysterious spot and put an end to the thievery. A warning: sippy cups are sometimes sucked into the vortex as well. The conditions of the vortex are unknown, as are the contents of the sippy cups, open at your own risk. And God speed.
5.) Window Washer
Seeking a window washer for fingerprint removal. You may never enjoy the fruits of your labor very long, as fingerprints have a tendency to reappear shortly after they are removed. But if you enjoy repetition, this is the job you have been waiting for!
If you meet the qualifications listed for any of the positions above, please submit your resume and references immediately. Please know, I cannot actually pay you. Unless my gratitude counts. In which case you will be rich beyond your imagination. I could, occasionally, supply you with cookies.