The holiday season is upon us and I bet you’re doing the American thing–dropping tons of cash on clothes, electronics, and cheap plastic toys…all made in China.
Anyhoo…
Inevitably this time of year you see list upon list of gift suggestions. Best gifts for men. Best gifts for women. Best gifts for kids, teachers, pets, teacher’s pets, mailmen, hairdressers, baristas, and random strangers on the street. But, I’ve always felt there was a list missing. Have you ever wanted to buy a gift for the child of someone you know? Someone who you really need to seek revenge on in a passive-aggressive way? Well, look no further, Erin is here to help you.
Top 5 Gifts To Buy For the Children of People Who Piss You Off
1.) Musical Instruments
Do you see that baby sized drum set? It's made of evil.
In the true spirit of Christmas, musical instruments are gifts that keep on giving: headache after headache after headache. The thing is that musical instruments are generally good for the development of young children. And kids love them. So your friend or family member will have to be all, “Thank you so much, this is really great!” as they pop that third Advil.
If the child is older, you might consider a full-blown drum set.
2.) Toys with a million-bajillion pieces. Especially little pieces.
Who doesn’t love Legos? A mom who has stepped on one barefooted in the middle of the night (SEE: Legonavigate). That’s who. And if she’s never experienced that, she’s sure to curse your existence (or bemoan what she ever did to you) when she has to pick them up everyday. And fish them out of the DVD player.
3.) Anything with the name SAND in it.
Moonsand, a.k.a. Evil Dust
Call it what you want: Moon Sand, Play Sand, whatever. Buy it at the store or be a hippy and make it yourself. Moldable sand is evil. It’s SAND. That you play with INSIDE. And it’s a little wet so the kids can make sand castles or whatever at the kitchen table. There is no doubt in my mind your friend’s child will LOVE it. But your frenemy? He or she will have to sweep it, vacuum it, clean it from under fingernails, out of hair, and will have to scrub the bathtub after their child takes a bath. It’s kind of like glitter in the sense that it can never really be cleaned up completely. Your friend will find bits of it everywhere, even days later. Mwahahahahaha.
4.) Noisy Electronic Toys
It might be small, but it sounds JUST like the real thing. From the convenience of your own living room!
Bonus if they don’t have an off or volume switch. Just to make sure the toy gets maximum mileage out of the noise, be sure to stock it with fresh batteries.
5.) Sugar
Maybe you don’t have a huge budget for revenge. Or maybe you’ve got to ship said item cross-country. No problem. A box of candy will do the trick. This idea could also be used as an add-on to any of the above gifts. After all, what’s worse than an annoying toy? Annoying toys plus kids on sugar highs, that’s what.
The beauty of all of these gifts are that the children involved will genuinely love them. So their parents can’t really say anything other than, “Thanks.” They may silently curse you in their head, but you’ll never hear it. Mission accomplished.
Just be careful. Turnabout is fair play and Christmas is an annual thing.
Erin Writes 
lmao, brilliant! When my kids were small we kept asking the in-laws for drum-kits as xmas pressies for them and NEVER got one! (asking for them worked brilliant as a tool for making sure we didn’t get noisy gifts! hehe) 😀
Brilliant strategy :).
I swear my sister has given me at 3 of these. I wonder what that says…:)
I have requested several of these myself. Full disclosure: I actually enjoy the musical instruments, but I get the sense I’m an exception to that rule :).
Same, I love musical instruments and candy, so if anyone gives me those (I almost always get sweets), I’m usually happy.
I used to buy those gifts all the time and then I became a parent. Now it’s all coming back to me.
I received the bulldozer I pictured here as a gift for my son from my older brother. After living with it for a while I asked my brother, “I must have given your kids something atrocious to deserve this.” He said, “Yep!” 🙂 My son loves it, of course.
This cracked me up! My best friend bought my son a light-up sword that made this “whoop, whoop!” sound at decibels that would break Nigel Tufnel’s eardrums. I gave her a really hard time for that purchase, and then proceeded to buy something equally annoying for her son when his birthday rolled around. She’s not my frenemy, of course, but it was funny all the same. Great gift ideas, Erin.
Funny! I like the back and forth. As long as it’s all in good fun :).
Oh my GOD I have that sword, too.
Worst. Stupid. Toy. EVER!
Of course, I say that — and yet my son has played with it for hours on end. AFTER I invested in high-quality ear buds, that is…
Marketers know just what it takes, don’t they? 😉
My mom is queen of buying kids noisy toys. She thinks it’s funny. I don’t have kids – yet, ever… not sure – so I’m a bit fearful of when that day comes.
I’ve tried to be mindful of these things when I buy for the kids in my family. I try to buy more books for my nephews since they have so many toys already.
Books are always a good idea!
LOL this is the best Christmas gift list so far 😀
Thanks! I saw a need and had to fill it :). Hehe.
Brilliant! Nodded to each of these, except the sand. We missed that but had play doh, ugh!
BIL was always the worse of the offenders :evil grin: he has kids now…
I think BIL’s kids might be getting Moon Sand in the near future :).
The thing is that I LOVE the theory of Moon Sand. My son really likes to make sand castles and it’s hard when you’re not at the beach. But the clean up is worse than play-doh.
I live in the desert. Kids want to make sand castles I send them into the backyard with a hose, LOL
My sister created a bean box for my special needs nephew when he was younger, my kids loved it too. Basically, she took one of those under the bed plastic bin things and filled it with raw pinto beans. Kinda like playing in the sand but easier to clean up. We’d spread a sheet on the floor and put the bin in the middle. They could measure and sift, dig for buried treasure, etc. It was great. Obviously not for small children likely to swallow the beans but an option for inside “sand” play.
No wonder this was Freshly Pressed! Awesome!
EVERYONE should follow your advice!
Thank you :)!
What happens when you have to buy ALL those gifts for your OWN kids like we did? I guess we are spiting ourselves!
Congrats on the freshly pressed. I envy you and will be sending you an entire rock band to play on your lawn at 2 am.
R
I have purchased all of these gifts for my own kids myself as well, it’s how I know :).
Thanks so much! (And if the rock band is going to gather on my lawn, could they bring some rakes for the leaves?)
Now this is a list! Love this idea…and as a parent of two toddlers, the sand idea is the worst I think. That stuff is like a cold sore, it never goes away and keeps showing up!
So true! At least for a cold sore you can use medication, right?
Haha, this is so hilarious! SO TRUE! 🙂
Thanks!
Great passive aggressive gift list! haha Can’t wait to stimulate the economy with some of these!
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
-Tricia
http//stopbeingaloser.org/
Thanks so much, Tricia! And good point, these gifts really accomplish two things at once: revenge and improving the economy.
Wal-mart usually has kid-sized drum sets for $20 at this time of year. So even people on a budget can afford sweet revenge.
Nice. See, now everyone can be passive-aggressive this Christmas.
I am very easy to buy for. A monetary gift of any size is always welcomed. 😛
That would be an easy one to scratch off the “shopping” list :).
Thanks!
You’ve nailed it, great post! I’d like to add:
The Discovery Store – purveyors of “Build your own volcano” and “grow your own tadpoles” type kits. (Oh, the people who invented Moon Sand are deserving of nothing less than water torture)
LOL! I have avoided any bugs/tadpoles/butterfly growing/housing so far. I’m sure it’s coming, for now I’m going to hope they never realize those exist (I don’t do so well with the creepy-crawlies).
And don’t forget the bead kits and other craft kits that have all the downsides of things with small pieces, but turn up everywhere for years to come. I just helped clear some old boxes out of my parents’ house, and we found enough beads in the corners to make a very dusty bead necklace.
I’m still finding beads in my house from the previous home owner’s children (a year later). They turn up in the most random places.
Absolutely. But how come this season of joy and goodwill brings out the ‘best’ in us? 😉
Alas, you are right. From Black Friday straight through until all the returns are made. Something about it all brings out the ‘best’ in everyone.
I’m glad I’m not on your S$$t list. lol. You had me hysterical. I guess my question would be: why bother giving gifts if you don’t like the person in the first place?
http://valentinedefrancis.wordpress.com/
Good question:).
First-timer here … and what an awesome idea … especially for a post 🙂
Thank you!
Oh my gosh, this post is fantastic! Brilliant ideas! 🙂
Sometimes I come up with good ones :).
I love it!
Thanks, Shane!
Awesome. Just bought my niece and accordion.
Nice. The only thing worse would be bagpipes :).
Um, I LOVE this! My sister is getting ready to have her first kid, and I will make sure all of these things are on the list for next Christmas! MUAHAHAHA! 🙂
Haha! You’ll be the best aunt ever.
I was tempted to get my niece a guitar so I can teach her to play. Not sure I could withstand the wrath of her mother though!
Well, if you teach her to play, that makes it cool!! My son (who is nearly 4) wants a guitar for Christmas too.
Me gusta tu articulo, buena pagina
Muchas gracias
Haha! Love it!
Thanks, Sarah!
Too funny.
Thanks, Joshua!
I SOOOOOOO Totally LOVE this. Utterly hilarious, and convicting all at the same time!! I am guilty of purchasing musical instruments for my grandkids more for THEIR enjoyment, and sometimes MINE… I have an xylophhone secretly stashed in a bagful of toys that come out when they come over. I must confess there are times the xylophone is “mysteriously” NOT in the bag! 😉
I secretly like the musical instruments…most of the time :). My son made up a pretty rockin’ version of Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star but substituting words like Dinosaur and “They will eat me”. All self-accompanied on the toy piano. 🙂
We have friends with children the same ages as our (all now into their 20’s) and we would compete to see who could give the most obnoxious toy. The year they gave us the super deluxe laser gun with 27 Realistic Sounds,we gave them a foam brick with a noisemaker inside that sounded like breaking glass. They had a huge plate glass window and we made arrangement with their 10 yr old son to say “It’s a STUPID BRICK!” and throw it at the window when he opened the present.
That is awesome!! I love stories like that.
When working for a particularly obnoxious kitchen manager the staff chipped in and bought his daughter a pair of tap shoes for her eighth birthday. He tightened up his act after the holidays.
Tap shoes. Good ones.
Haha, great list. How far down were gift cards that force the parents to take them shopping during gift return season? Especially if they have more than one kid and the cards are for different stores. 🙂
Haha! I haven’t run into that problem yet (but my kids are still young) :).
Absolutely wonderful 😀 Backfired once when a recorder and indoor skates I gifted were made ‘toys for when we visit YOUR house.’
Ooh, I never thought of that. Too funny!
Hahahaha!!! Thanks for giving me ideas…
You’re welcome :).
Great post. I always think of buying things that are useful for learning. Learning that I believe is good for today and future. Moreover, I like to know what the children really need at the moment. I have known children or families who did not open some of their gifts and others who could not remember what they had bearly some days after the holidays.
Learning toys are always a good thing.
I would never give these sorts of revenge gifts, but I’m sitting here chuckling. Funny post. BTW you wouldn’t happen to be a Scorpio?
LOL, no. I’m a Capricorn. But now I’m curious what it means to be a Scorpio :). I’ve never really felt very Capricorn-ish.
I’m not sure if I’d be the person I am today if my mom had taken this approach. I think the best gift would be a sound-proof room to go along with the musical gifts 🙂 Great post!
P.S., Moon sand (or any ‘sand’) is indeed a tool of immeasurable evil.
I totally forgot about glitter. I rescind my comment about ‘sand’ being the ultimate evil, as glitter is a much more adherent variety of hell altogether!
My kids love the musical instruments and I like what they mean–creativity, entertainment that’s not TV, etc. The tinkering on toy xylophones can be headache-inducing though :). It’s great that your mom was so supportive of what you love/do!
And yes, glitter is also evil (though my son LOVES it, I’m sure my daughter will too when she’s old enough)
I desperately wanted a drum kit for Christmas pretty much the entire time I was growing up and believed that Santa thought I’d be an awesome chick rock drummer. Alack, it never happened. I got a keyboard… and an acoustic guitar, and figured my parents didn’t know the difference between musical instruments. My mother later told me, after I’d purchased my own kit in my late teens and was taking lessons, that they tried anything not to have to listen to a drummer practicing in the basement. And so it goes…
Haha! That’s too funny. But great that you stuck with it anyway :). I played the Clarinet myself and my brother played the trumpet. I think my parents probably kept a stock of aspirin during the beginning years.
So many ideas. Do I have enough shopping days left?
Perhaps, but you better get moving in case these items sell out.
Congrats on FP!
Great post– though those legos are so fun.
You can add chemistry sets, ant farms, gold fish, and fingerpaints. Just some of the gems I remember the kids getting as gifts.
Thanks! I had a chemistry set I LOVED when I was a kid. I wonder if my parents were worried I’d blow up the house. Hmm?
Love it!! I just bought a friend’s daughter a (very) noisy pink toy vacuum. Yeah, I won’t be there for Christmas….lol!
Ha! Well, if you’re friend’s daughter is anything like my son, she’ll love it. Just offer to buy your friend a drink sometime and all will be well 🙂 (or chocolate, in case a drink is not her thing).
my kid wants some mechano dog – rather then real dog.. what is with those kids today?
LOL! Though I suppose you don’t have to potty train the mechano version? Silver lining?
My dad got me a drum kit the year my parents divorced…I could never understand why because he was always the one so set against it….Now it all makes sense!
Haha! Your poor mom :).
I recommend a fish in a bowl. It will probably die, making the child have tantrum after tantrum. If the creature lives, the parents will still suffer, changing the water, feeding it and removing the food the fish didn’t eat.
Lots of fun! The younger the child the better.
Ronnie
Aw, poor fishy. I’m actually terrified of fish. I know, it’s kind of silly. So I won’t be buying any. But thanks for the suggestion.
I love your list! So accurate!
The first toy I bought for my brother’s daughter was a really annoying talking Elmo. Imagine hearing that laugh for hours on end. Stab me in the eyeball.
I HAVE heard that laugh for hours. It’s why God invented wine :).
Ha ha! I have just done the christmas shopping for my boys this year and Lego was high on the list. I have to say that I am one of those parents that is happy to buy things for my kids that other parents consider terrifying. Last year one got a drum kit and the other a keyboard and now I am trying to convince one of them to take up electric guitar, so far without success. I alleviate the trauma of noisy toys etc by calling out ‘that is starting to get annoying’. That is my code for ‘if you dont stop that racket it goes in the bin’. They know I will, so they stop. I am fairly lenient though and happy noisyness is far preferable to ‘I’m bored’ whining!
The only present I can’t stand is glitter. Glitter glue, sprinkles, even the glittery gift bags. It gets everywhere!!….aaarrgghhh!!!
Congrats on FP 🙂
Thanks!
My brother played the electric guitar when we were growing up (well, he still does). He practiced for hours and hours and hours. Which, you know, yay for dedication! But having the room next door to him was not always awesome.
I’ll have to get a keyword for my house too.
Good post. Reminded me of my son’s toddler days.Keep sharing !!
Thanks! The toddler years are fun :).
i lot this even though I’m in third grade i can get back eat the girl i don’t like that everyone does like
-sophie4503:)
Well, I’m gonna be a mom here–this was meant to be a joke. So don’t be mean for real, OK? Stay on the nice list! Thanks for reading my post!!
Brilliant. And true. I’ve received all of these and probably given some myself. (Apparently in a latent passive aggressive way I didn’t realize!)
You can add to the list- Polly Pockets and those dancing, singing character dolls- Elmo, Mickey Mouse, etc…you know what I’m talking about!
Merry Christmas!
LOL, we haven’t hit Polly Pocket stage, but I can imagine–all those little pieces. Talking dolls. Yes. Someone got my kids a dog that barks jingle bells. They LOVE it. ALL YEAR.
This is hilarious! Especially the musical instruments.
Thanks, Jenny!
Very creative! … hit my funny-bone as well. That’s not easy to do
majuro:
cheersfearsandtears
Glad I could make you laugh :).
Hmmm, now what should I think if a “friend” buys one of these for MY kids? I guess I’ll know I’ve done them wrong somewhere along the way, eh?
Found you on Freshly Pressed — your About is wonderfully honest and very familiar to mine! Hopefully your blog is scratching that itch for you like mine does for me. Enjoyed reading your posts…
Well, I’d need a flow chart to answer that :). Like 1.) Does the person have children? No–> They didn’t know any better, file info. away for when they do. Yes–>Have you given them something noisy in the past?–>Yes—>It was payback No—>Have you made this person angry?—>Yes—It was payback No—>They didn’t know any better…. 🙂
And thanks about the About page. The blog is definitely helping. Best of luck with yours too!
I like how you think.
Thanks, Michael.
UGH!! I still unfortunately work in retail and have to deal with each one of those toys you mentioned. From that experience, the most annoying toy to give for the children of people who piss you off would be that terrible Singing Elmo Doll. It would drive the parents batshit.
I have seen that Singing Elmo. He plays the drums too, right? I’m pretending he doesn’t exist, maybe that means we won’t receive one :).
Great list !! LOL ~ Now I’m off to find some of that ” Moon Sand” ! 😉
Uh-oh…have some avenging to do :)?
Thanks!
It is all good ideas!! It is so hard to come up with original ideas nowadays!
Thank you very much!
Oh, my! This was a winner, for sure! This was priceless! I shall make note of all five suggestions and follow accordingly! As a parent and grandparent, I KNOW what you are talking about. I have been there so many times it’s not even funny!
Thank you for a good smile tonight! Stay well…. and enjoy Christmas.
Thank you, Morris. You have a good Christmas, too!
Very funny! I’ve been guilty of giving many of the gifts mentioned. Congrats on being FP’d!
Thanks, and I have too.
haha… amazing article… ill surely keep them in mind. thankz for the advices! id basically follow the list!! SWEAR!!! hehe… *evil grin* ;p
;P Thanks!
That orange CATERPILLAR is the best >:-)
Small, sturdy, diligently noisy as long as the batteries are working like what u said.
Exactly.
Christmas is coming up again… nice post!!! thumbs up!
🙂 Thanks!
We are still digging Moon Sand out of the carpet… What did I do to deserve that, though?? I’m probably guilty somewhere…
I know your pain.
I think my transgressions were long before I had children. Seems my older siblings have long memories :). All in fun, though!
Haha this is HILARIOUS. Love it!
-Haleigh ❤ 🙂
Thanks! Glad I could make you laugh.
the full-blown drum set is very appropriate, in case you don’t really like your frenemy’s neighbor, too. muhahahaha
True. Double whammy right there.
OMG, I am so guilty of giving some of those very same gifts. Great writing. Thanks for sharing with me.
So am I (sometimes to my own children).
Thanks!
That’s a great list. I think the trick would be to give the sugary candy along with the drums so the kids go on and on for hours. Nothing like hyperactive sugar-fueled kid-drumming to drive people nuts all night.
Brilliant!
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Created By Nice People
Nice Comments And Nice Posts Here
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Thanks
Thanks, John.
The sand toys are evil, indeed. I gave my goddaughter some glittery sand stuff before because I thought she would love it. She did, a little too much. Her room was always a mess after I gave her the gift. Too bad I didn’t have revenge plans at all. But yeah, it works!
LOL. At least you were well-meaning :).
I laughed at this as I used to do this to my sister and sister-in-law! As a note we went to a party where a friend of mine was er follically challenged! My friends children took great delight in poking fun at a man with thinning hair. My friend decided not to stop the children and in fact encourage them. Once there was no-one around the children got a supply of red bull that was beyond belief!!!! wide awake at three in the morning AND projectile vomiting!
Ei yi yi! Pay back indeed! Energy drinks = worse than sugar 🙂
LOL!!! I was laughing so loud at the Lego and noisy electronic toys! This list is just great! 😀 Classic and will never go out of date.
Thank you, Ashley. I think a lot of people can relate to this list.
This blog post made me laugh out loud! My sister gave my son a harmonica for Christmas one year- that and some tiny Legos-ha. (she has young children now so I’m having my chance for some loud toy “pay back”)
Cheers!
Haha! Enjoy your pay back. It’s fun, right :)? If these don’t work, there’s been a few other suggestions in the comments :).
You talked to my mother-in-law, didn’t you? Because I swear she used this exact same list to select toys for my children when they were younger!
You know, that woman can make a great cup of coffee. I mean…no…why would I do such a thing?
delightful, I know a boy who should NOT read this blog:)
Oh. Don’t show it to him then. I won’t tell.
Hahaha… this is awesome. However all the items listed are all the items I’m always getting my 2yr old. Am I my own worst enemy? My son actually has a full proper drum set already. Sometimes his toys that have no off switches go off in the night for no apparent reason – that can make me dilly!
At least the sugar is something I keep under control!
I think someone sadistic makes the toys with no off switches.
And hey, that drum set will be worth it someday when he’s a famous rock star.
Agreed! My 16 year-old was a drummer, but no more – I actually miss the noise! Am I nuts?
That’s a really coll post 🙂
Thanks, Gabrielle!
This is evil. Hilariously brilliant but evil. 😉
Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!
Thanks, Matthew! I’m only a little evil. But the funny kind, so it’s OK.
“Who doesn’t love Legos? A mom who has stepped on one barefooted in the middle of the night”
LMAO! So true
Thanks :). I think anyone who has ever owned Legos knows what that feels like. Ouch!
Love this list, and have had everything on it. But you forgot the best/worst of all…a puppy!
I did. But I left it off on purpose. I really want one. Because apparently I don’t deal with enough potty training with the 3 kids I have!
Nothing signals that you are pissed off with someone quite like the gift of a saxophone for their eldest child. If you really want to drive the message home, get the younger kids harmonicas.
Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed – I’m looking forward to future posts!
Yikes! I can hear the squeaks of the beginning player now.
They are the squeaks of the universe rebalancing itself…
This was a great read because I’ve had these very same thoughts. you could also add to the list anything that is swingable like a lightsaber, made of either foam or plastic, sports equipment made for indoor use or any aim n’ fire toys/weapons. Nerf darts, ok; Nerf balls, ouch; Nerf arrows, INCOMING!!
Or even the ladders from toy firetrucks. Do you think the good folks at Tonka knew the removable ladders would be turned into swords?
This was a running joke with my family when our children were young – who could give the “most frustrating to the parents” gift. I have a million pieces of Lego (no instructions to be found) and a Marching Band set – a drum, cymbals, xylophone, and kazoo thingy all in one that a child can wear (drum major hat included) will marching around the house. Sadly it was made by Fisher Price so it more than withstood the test of time and several children (oh did I mention the maracas????).
Thanks for the walk down memory lane!
You know, I think I owned that marching band set when I was a kid. The cymbals especially were totally solid. Too funny.
Be careful, I read somewhere that payback can be a bitch when the kids get older — I can’t give props because I can’t remember who tweeted it, but somebody said they’d get back at the people who gave these gifts by giving the gifter’s teenager’s condoms and cigarettes. Also, for kids who are not quite old enough, give those make-up kits and shorts with writing on the butt for girls. Ha!
Yikes! I’ll have to play my cards carefully then. More passive than aggressive, I think, is the key.
Though I DID get my niece make-up one year. I’m pretty much doomed in the future, aren’t I?
a very inspiring post Erin! I know that many people are sruggling with gifts now! today i’m going to some london market’s to do interviews! let’s see what they are going to buy!
Have fun shopping!
It’s very entertaining and really nice ideas! I have some married friends with their bunch of babies that are pretty nagging about the fact that some of us are still single…ohhh the joy to give their babies these presents 😀 Thank you!
Most definitely!
Evil Santa..! May also a bit of Christmas peace be upon you. Love your post – why be nice when you can be naughty…
Thanks, Nikky 🙂
Hilarious! My mom has actually given my son several of the items you mentioned. Hmm, think there’s a hidden agenda there?!
Perhaps. I think it’s the grandparent thing–they’re “allowed” to give evil gifts. In fact, I think they quite enjoy it :).
Cuidado with this whole revenge thing—it can turn around to bite you in the rear.
For example, if you give someone’s kid a drum set for Christmas they might turn around and say how wonderful the gift is and that it should really be kept at your house, so the kids can play it when they come and visit.
True! Maybe I’ll have to get something so big it can’t be transported once put together? 🙂
Hilarious. My son is a drummer, and yes, we do spend a lot of money on the set – it is awesome!In fact, every time I go to the drum store, I have to stop myself from buying all the cool cymbals and everything else!
For Christmas, our 1.5 year old nephew is getting a set of tuned tubes – it is about $20.00, and it is a great way to start him on drumming 🙂
Tuned tubes? Those sound fun. Enjoy them!
I haven’t stepped on a Lego barefoot in twenty years but I can still feel it in my foot when I think about it. Ouch.
It’s a sensation you never forget, huh?
This is GENIUS!!! I wonder if I’ve ever gotten one of these gifts before? Hmmm…that loud cotton candy maker…coincidence? I think not.
Loud + Sugar. Definitely not a coincidence :).
OMG, I went into a craft store with a teacher friend of mine and saw that wet sand stuff you pictured, it’s evil fun! Thank God my children are grown, I can’t even imagine having to clean that stuff! Ha, ha, ha! My sympathy to parents these days!!!! Great blog!
Thanks, Evie! I think they use it a lot in preschools and such. I’m sure it’s a great addition to the sensory table. Just not my living room carpet :).
LOL. You are such an evil genius. 🙂
Great post and congratulations on being freshly pressed.
Thank you :). I spent many years in evil genius school, it’s nice to see the hard work pay off.
This was an epic post. Nothing says “happy holidays” like watching your friend’s kid turn their living room into Normandy beach. I’m pretty sure we can add the Nintendo Wii to this list. If there’s anything little kids can always manage, it’s creating destruction at the hands of motion-controlled gaming.
Keep it up; this is solid gold.
We have a Wii and my kids have never really played it (mostly b/c it’s used more as a DVD player in the spare bedroom than anything else). But I could see how that could get out of hand.
Had a friend who bought her nephew a little drum/noisemaker set and got the “Eat $#!% and die” look from her brother. Still laughs about it.
LOL! Priceless.
Erin, not only is this hilarious, but I now know exactly what to get my nieces and nephew! What could possibly be better than a drumset made of pure evil? Great post!!
Thanks :). I’m glad I could assist in your shopping this year. Of course, now the cat’s out of the bag–if I get MY nieces and nephews any of these gifts, my siblings will know what’s up :).
I’m actually shopping for a drum set to give to my nephew. haha!!
Also, play-doh is another excellent revenge item… especially if the household has carpeting!
LOL, Clara. It seems to be a popular item this year. I hope he enjoys it (just toss his parents some earplugs or Tylenol in their stocking, OK?).
Fantastic list. I will have to keep it attached to my fridge as a reminder for just the right people. (snicker snicker snicker)
Good idea!
What a rotten person you are! 😀
** rushes to the shops to buy all of ’em**
congrats on being FP’d! It’s well deserved.. x
Thanks so much.
Me and The Grinch–black bananas with greasy black peels :).
Hahaha awesomeee
Thanks, Diane!
Drum set…I love it! Mwahahahahahaha!
*evil grin*
Perfect gifts for revenge. 🙂
🙂 Thanks.
After having four of my own and many grandchildren, it is a special delight to me to show the kids how to make their very own, kazoos, coffee can drums, maracas (water bottle+pebbles).
You don’t have to wait until Christmas, with the gift of imagination you can get even all year long.
Peace (but not quiet)
Thanks! I’ve made those with my kids too, they do love them. The paper tube kazoos are a favorite around here.
Insanely great. 😀
Thanks, haelstromm!
I build custom drums, does that make me an asshole? Wait, I was an asshole before I ever built a drum…nevermind.
Only if you give them to small children :). But what a fun job!
Very Good List! Might have to give one of those gifts to somebody that I know who I do not like.
Aw, just remember–they can do the same next Christmas.
“I love the way your foul mind works!” 😉
Mwahahaha. *Rubs hands together*
I need all of these things!
Actually, you can buy me a new guitar if you want.
0:)
-III
http://www.cardinalplaylists.com
http://www.thewandererfl.com
Sure. You don’t live in my house, so it’d be OK.
this is HILAR! my sister and i used to always do this to prank my aunt/uncle and get their kids just about everything on this list. so awesome. gotta love revenge gifting!
So you know the joys of revenge gifting already? It’s really what this season is all about.
Awesome! I admit it. I’ve done this.
Your friends’ children must love you.
Thank you so much for the list and the laugh! Brilliant!
You’re welcome 😀
Hahaa this is a brilliant idea. Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed, you deserve it with this post! I feel for the parents of all the people who aren’t on Erin’s good books this year ha- have a great Christmas, Joe
They can’t say they weren’t warned though, right :)?
Diabolically amusing, and thanks for the laughs! (and the ideas)
No problem. I like to help when I can.
Haha this is excellent. I just started teaching ballet to little ones this year (I’m 20 & never really worked much with kids before)…so I can now understand the truth & hilarity of this post. Sugar is a HUGE MISTAKE if you want children to behave 😉
True! And what you decide to do with this knowledge is now up to you–be it good or evil :).
clearly i’ve pissed off a lot of people… i need to be better about that! you forgot creepy dolls ;D
Creepy dolls. Yes. Especially if they make life-like noises. *shudder*
Hilarious! Congrats for your Freshly-Pressed feature!
Thank you very much!!
Well,This Christmas is something very special to me becoz am going to enjoy with my Brother and family. i want to Gift him something Special. Am in search of that thing. can U say any of gift for my brother.he is 16 yr old.
A 16 year old? To get back at his parents? Gift certificate for a piercing of some kind?
A big set of colorful, permanent markers is great for young children to express themselves.
Very true.
Reblogged this on Zterwill's Blog.
Thanks, zterwill.
Here’s how to be the “cool aunt” and be an even bigger b**ch than karma to your siblings, all in one fell stroke….
First off, avoid anything that needs batteries so that it won’t be broken too soon. You forgot things like whistles, harmonica, cymbals, xylophones, and even the “holy grail” – Band in Bag (Toys R Us) etc. The toy tool bench is another great one.
If you can’t find those, make sure you teach the little darling(s) about battery sizes and that the TV remote is an awesome source of double AA’s. Then you can safely purchase the toy electric guitar, drum set, the synthesizer t-shirt, or sneakers with sound effects (yes, clothes can make noise now *evil grin* ) are all fine choices.
If that doesn’t work, go for finger paints, markers, crayons, pastels, and other art supplies. Those precious little angels need a creative outlet. Maybe on Mommy’s dining room wall….
Dress up sets that include things like swords, pop guns, light sabers, etc. are also awesome as they encourage a lot of creative play that’s sure to annoy parents. Particularly if they have more than one child who can fight
Failing that, some of the toys that “learn” can be great fun. If you start now, you can probably teach them some interesting words and/or habits before popping them back into the box. My personal favorite was reprogramming the Teddy Ruxpin.
Then and only then do you go for the “small parts” like the Lite Brite, the 1 billion piece set of Legos, Lincoln Logs,
Wow. You must’ve done this before.
Thank you for bringing a smile to my face, on a morning it sorely needed one 🙂
You’re welcome. I hope your day wound up better than it started!
Maybe people hated my parents because I gotten most of these gifts as a kid!
Either that or your parents gave their kids gifts of this same nature? Seems a tit-for-tat kind of thing is common.
Our two neighbours both had hyperactive children…. together they would spiral wildly out of control. Why did one of their parents think a trumpet was a good idea !?
I asked Father Christmas for a baseball bat..
P.S. I don’t play sport . . . . .
Uh-oh!
I was bought a Furby for Christmas by a great aunt when I was young. I always wondered what my mother had done to her.
I remember Furbies. Yes, they were kind of an annoying toy, weren’t they? I think my younger brother had one.
That’s a great strategy for acquiring items for re-gifting. Teach your kids to be annoying, make sure to expose them to persons obligated to give gifts, and then use re-gifting to cut your Christmas expenses down, down, down. Could you post a few tips on how to make kids annoying? I think Winona and I are utter failures at this side of things. But we’re always looking to improve.
Well, sugar is a good start. Lots of it.
I remember my mum buying insanely large gifts for my cousins growing up just to wind up her sister. You used to be able to get white the massive plastic monstrosity on a budget!
Yes, large gifts can be irksome if you have no where to store them.
Aha, very good! Reminds me of every single Christmas I’ve ever experienced.
You must’ve had a lot of fun as a kid, then. 🙂
Hahahahahaha….hahahahaha….haha…ha…ha…heeeehee :]
This is amazing.
Thank you, Mirage!
My dad is actually having another little one in March, and this is just the perk to my new little brother that I was fantasising about…
There you go! Something to look forward to. 🙂 Congrats on the new baby brother!
I would never have thought of any of those.. tactics. Brilliant! haha 😉
Pure evil, but I love it!
Gooood Idea,
this just saved my life haha! cool!
I am starting to question my friends……I have recieved all of these gifts for my children from my “so called friends”. lol
Great site!
lol this was funny… I did one year buy paint and glitter for a kid of parents I don’t like lol
Extremely humorous! Reminds me of something off cracked.com. I can remember my own mother being pissed when I was a kid if someone bought me some kind of loud, cheesy, electronic instrument.
Some lovely person decided to buy my brother a tigger phone last christmas. Not only was it insanely noisy, but the nice people had designed it without an off switch…
Needless to say it is no buried in the bottom of the toybox wrapped in a cushion.
hilarious! i have a son that turns 3 in early january, and i suspect that for both christmas and his birthday he’ll receive some gifts that would fit into the categories noted above. i’m guilty of having given some really annoying gifts myself. check out the list i just put together today!
http://www.icouldntmakethisshitup.wordpress.com
Yes, you’re right, revenge is sweet. But, payback is a bear. When my kids were little and well-meaning folks bought items such as you’ve mentioned, they were the first toys to mysteriously “lose” their batteries, etc. A very funny blog. Keep up the great work.
I have given most of those gift items to the children of my ex-sister-in-law over the course of several years. (She was as annoying as my ex!) I was always careful to include extra batteries for the electronic toys. Wouldn’t want the torture to end prematurely, would we? Hehe.
I used to buy plastic ray guns with sound effect. LOVED to give those to kids with questionable parents.
I am cracking up. I hope you don’t mind, but can I put a link to your post on my holiday post? I think it will be great for my gift ideas section. Let me know! Thanks!
Thanks! And no problem, you can include a link if you’d like :).
Check it out here! http://bit.ly/uaEfY3 Such a great funny idea. Thank you again and please share!
Great post! There is also the wonderful world of trains,and wooden tracks. Buy a smallest started set you can find, the kids get HOOKED and the parents are the unfortuante souls that have to fork out the pricey dollar amount on the tracks..they are incredibly expensive! I thank my sister-in-law for that.
One of my sister’s schoolmates used to really piss her off, so instead of our parents doing anything, she did it herself. She was around 10 at the time.
She bought the girl a toy lawn mower. Next thing we know, her mom’s carpet is in little tattered pieces. My sister hasn’t forgotten that, and her schoolmate’s mom is now afraid of lawn mowers.
Good times.
Ashley
I have 3 of #4, the tonka trucks, you press a button, they start up and shake and bang and then drive and make a big noise, all three of them going at once literally sounds like you are outside standing next to a dump-truck that just started and is revving its engine!
Haha! Hilarious post! I’ll bear this in mind for my little nieces and nephews… Evil master plan? I think yes!
Love this! So funny. Before we had kids, we used to buy obnoxious gifts for our nieces and nephews. Now, it’s our turn to receive them!
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One day I will be an aunt. I can’t wait.
i am a bit offended by your reference to china. i don’t think it adds anything to your post.
Now THIS POST should be FRESHLY PRESSED! Hilarious and Brilliant! So basically anything loud and/or messy will do. Thanks for the ideas =)
I have totally done this! The louder the better and the more small pieces the better. Problem is, I think a few people have done this to me on purpose. Like, they ALL know my absolute dislike of Playdough. That crap gets dried out and crumbs all over the floor. And no matter how hard you try to keep the kids in the dining room, they always seem to get it smashed in the carpet! My kids seem to get this every few years. Am I a frienemy? I had no idea….hahahaha
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Brilliant! Reminded me of the time I got the mumps. I was in my 20’s and one of my “friends” got my daughter a sand-filled balloon and a police car complete with siren! I wanted to smash both but was too sick to move.
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Best Freshly Pressed blog ever. The amount of Lego people gave me as a child, I’m starting to wonder… Nice one (:
Eerily accurate. Lol.
Kate
Yep, had that done to me so many times. Makeup for 4 year olds is another truly precious gift too. Payback is a real b%6#!
hahaha yes you’re right! Loved your post on the subject.
I did one too “A weird Christmas wish list from a young man”.
Check it out if you have time, I would love it.
It’s pretty special I guess from a 18 years old young man but I think you’ll understand my point of view.
Nice post once again!
Vincent
Oh my heavens! #2 is my absolute pet peeve. No matter how many times I beg and plead for family and friends to NOT get toys for my kids that come in a billion pieces, inevitably there’s always at least one under the tree. And more often than not, it’s the same person giving them. Maybe he’s trying to tell me something? 😦
Just wait until you have kids, buster! Revenge is a b**ch! >:-D
Great post!
…you also win becoming “Best Aunt/Uncle/Random Friend of my Parents Ever!”, and the sensible gifts their parents got them will be seen as subpar to your awesome gift.
Love it!
Oh my gosh I loved this idea. Haha I just wrote a blog on creative gift ideas and completely skipped over this though. Hilarious and creative! I will keep them in mind!!
Thanks for the advice! haha funny stuff!
– allamericanclothing.com
lol
Can I make a suggestion to improve number 4. Not only make it noisy, but make it one that makes noises of a monster and give it to a three year old. Who is then terrified of it, and bursts into tears every time some one presses a button, or walks close enough to set off the light sensor. Boy does that create hours of fun! (Personal experience, my son was the 3 year old) Weird how it ended up at Good will really quick.
Nice. A very good addition, indeed. 🙂
You must have a sinister mind. (Science kits and anything that shoots water are also wonderful gifts for other people’s children.)
I can swear my brother has given me at 2 of these.
Very clever, but I think it could be expanded beyond children’s gifts…bad cologne, ill fitting clothes, unsolvable puzzles etc.
I bought myself a piano, leaving you to wonder who pissed me off.