SNOWMG! It’s snowing. Or it snowed. Or it’s going to snow. Or, remember that time it snowed?
If you live in a cold weather state, chances are, it falls every year. Yet every time it happens it’s like a WORLD EVENT! SNOW!!! At least, that’s how it appears on Facebook.
Example 1: The SHOCKED
“OMG! Yesterday there was NO snow. Today there IS snow. Can you believe it?”
Yes, yes I can. It’s the weather. It changes.
Example 2: The angry
“This [expletive deleted] snow! I hate it! It’s ruining my day! My life is over because of this snow!”
Unless you live somewhere tropical where snow is unexpected, this is kind of a harsh reaction to precipitation. If you hate it so much…move somewhere warmer. There are these people. They call them Snow Birds. They are perhaps the smartest people on Earth. The live somewhere cozy, like Florida or Arizona, during the snowy months and laugh at all of us and our snow shovels as they wield golf clubs in January. Then, when the weather gets warm, they flee the heat and come back North. Brilliant. Not that all of us can pull it off. But it’s something worth considering if snow makes you irrationally angry.
Example 3: The picture taker
“Look! Snow! It’s in my backyard. See?”
Wow. Is it different from the snow in anyone else’s backyard? Is it different from the snow that was in your backyard last year (here…let’s look up last year’s picture to compare)? Is this the first time you’ve seen snow? Is it an abnormal, blizzard-level amount? Is it covering your country home tree branches like some sort of famous painting (by Monet or Rockwell or some artist who actually paints snow)? Is it some weird color–like pink, or blue, or red, or green, or psychedelic rainbow tie-dye? No, just snow? OK.
Example 4: The elated
“Snow! Glorious, glorious snow! Behold, it is a winter wonderland and I am going to go sledding, and skiing, and snow shoeing. I’m going to make snow angels, and snowmen, and snow ice cream. I can’t wait to adorn myself with boots and hats and mittens and a scarf and go clomping around it in. Yay winter!”
You have to admire the positivity of this reaction. Unless it’s April and you just want it to be freaking spring already (of course, if you are having that sort of reaction to snow in April, perhaps you should take the advice of Example 2).
Example 5: The weatherman doubters
“Really weatherman? Really? You said we would get 4-6 inches last night. I’m only seeing 3 here. Did you go to some sort of fancy weather school to get all that weather predicting brilliance?”
The poor weatherman. First we blame him for predicting snow in the first place. Then we blame him if we don’t get the correct amount of it. More snow than he said–how dare he leave us so unprepared for the day?! Less snow than he said–fear mongering!–this is the media sensationalizing the weather if I’ve ever seen it.
Someone look up the stats for me–are more weathermen alcoholics than other professions?
Example 6: The strictly factual
Thank you for the information.
Example 7: The smartass
“Wow. Is it snowing out there? I never would have known if it weren’t for this news feed. I mean, I could look out my window and see if there’s white stuff. But why do that when I have Facebook?”
Not that anyone you know falls into this category. Moving on.
Example 8: The super talented picture taker
“While you whiners were complaining about snow, I was off being awesome with my fancy camera and fancy macro filter thingy and oodles of God-given talent. Take that, suckers!”
Well, you go on with your bad self. I’m just gonna go look at my picture of bland whiteness in my backyard again.
Example 9: Kids in the snow
“I can’t move my arms! I can’t move my arms!”
This is a rite of passage. Every child MUST be put through the puffy-snow-suit experience.
Example 10: The braggart
“I just shoveled my whole driveway. And then the driveway of the lady next door. And then I shoveled it again because while I was contemplating putting the shovel away, more snow fell, so I shoveled that too.”
“With my SNOW-LIMINATOR 3000 I blew the 2 1/2 inches of snow from my driveway in 4 minutes flat.” *Tim-Allen-style manly grunt*
Hey you, yeah you! If you’re so proud, come do my driveway too!
So while the flakes fall, contemplate how you will express yourself over this weather phenomenon. Have I missed something? Do you have an example of your own to add? Happy Winter!
(*disclaimer: I’m not telling you not to do any of these. I imagine most of us fall into at least one of these categories. I’m strictly pointing out the facts. Plus, look at me. I wrote a whole BLOG POST about it. Oh hey, kettle. This is pot. You’re black. Plus, if we don’t talk about snow on Facebook, there will be nothing left to talk about. Other than what we had for lunch. Sandwiches are far more boring than snow.)